then there is Jdate ….

It is their perfectly organised and written profiles, plus pictures that can characterise someone.

Jdate  is full of it…

The best pictures…

not quite sure why guys do that…. they upload pictures that were taken by their phone which makes the quality absolutely on the lowest end…. the best part when you see where those pictures were made. Some guys actually took the pictures as they were coming out of a pissoir or the background the toilet…. some pictures are done in their rooms with their webcam and you can see their messy room…. oh well… at least it is realistic… the true face of a man…the piss and the mess… not at all piss takers….

The second type of pictures that are showing in my opinion how seriously one is looking for a partnership or a real relationship. Would you date or want to date a guy who puts a picture hugging like three or four women at the same time? What about the pictures that were altered/cropped? You can see someone’s armpit somehow on the side (shaved or unshaved by request)…

Unfortunately those that have normal way of presenting themselves they make up for that mistake in their profiles and what they are looking for… (as these types look for some kind of Super Woman).

The profiles are the best…. some of them just boss around such as “the girl I meet should or must be such and such…” The description actually makes you question if that guy has an OCD that their future girlfriend has to be the perfect spotless model that is “independent” or Miss Independence with a job that earns more than the guys themselves. They also want to have someone beautiful inside and outside… (what is the inside part not quite so sure… the outside is fairly obvious as some even states such as Scarlet Johanson or Angelina Jolie for those who likes less curvy).

However, again what one can find attractive maybe quite turn off for the other… the FUN as a word can’t be missed neither, either, nor. Usually guys are Easy-Going  as well so as to no muss, no fuss. ahh and food also part of the deal…. Because we are JEWISH!
(although Greeks I heard also into feasting as well…)

One evening my lovely flatmate who I call Ms Sunshine (she is a real sunshine, she is a real radiation of goodness :-) told me this story and I thought it is a joke but actually it is a pure reality of our times.

She went to check out jdate just to look and see if there is Mr Right Frog or anyone new. That evening there was this quite handsome medical doctor who chat her up and was pushy enough to ask her msn. As it happened she decided to take a chance and allowed him to add her on his list.

They started to chat and he was all about how hard it is to be a doctor in Israel and he works such long hours that he almost has no life. She was real understanding at which point our fellow offered a u-turn in his conversation and said that he would be real interested to have a “let’s play a game” and also offered to show his webcam of which my friend accepted. She was really sympathetic of his hardship, yeah poor guy works so hard and saving lives… so yeah why not see face-to-face each other…..

There was a shock… I huge one (ok not that huge but you know…) he simply had his member in the middle of the picture. No fuss just like that his proud brain was all displayed on the screen. That guy’s brain was his penis. I mean he reduced himself to become his desires.

My friend basically after registered the fact that this guy was actually a possibly “self-appointed private porn-star in his mind” a second or two later turned the guy’s webcam off and cut the conversation with a sentence “you are a dick” (and he was really)…

I was like “Nooooo” with emphasising my ooooo and then “OMG, how nasty”.

————

One evening we were all home and we even had visitors and the atmosphere was really cheerful in our household. I was as usually moaning about my singlehood. At which point, the story of the above-mentioned guy was on the table. We decided this is a good time to test how far can people go in their stupidity. So we were all into the fact that let’s see my friend’s “membership”.  After she brought her laptop to the kitchen where we comfortably set down in a row just like in a cinema  and were all eager to become experienced in the “membership reality show”. All six of us made our bets that how long will it take to see “her private membership”.  It was amazingly fast. It took us only I think 3 minutes, a couple of silly chat lines and here we go there it was…

lol and we were all laughing at a guy who was really so far the biggest arse I ever have seen in the entire online dating history.

Now here is a dilemma why would someone go on an online dating website where it is really about nice jewish boys and girls who are of course “adults” are trying to find a date and supposedly may be the love of their life…

It is a biggest wonder for me… especially that the web does offer its porn related websites where people only engage in and for sexual desires and interactions….

why would you do that on an “official jewish dating” website and why would you want to find your targets there for such a desire… a big question….

I think such a behaviour really related to the same category as sexual aberration… as it seems these men probably do enjoy the fact that they target “innocent” women and not being engaged with all the hassle of the “real-life”….

Unfortunately, it can happen that we come accross such or similar…., the only way to treat these experiences to have a laugh and move on, we all know that such a “membership” just not worth to keep up as it leaves nothing to the imagination….

 Actually I rephrase it, it is possible to switch and manage them on the outside but actually inside you are feeling robbed.

 You suppose to see it as a “game” and after each encounter being able to say “next”. Then you are viewed as a successful and independent woman.

 You cannot expect that after the first date and after the first kiss and after you were told that how desirable you are that your partner will sign off the site and will not carry on to play around. Of course you are not allowed to say nothing about that and with each checking you realise that the trust is broken from the beginning.

 Jdate is, I would say more likely look like a meatmarket, where the exchange rate is fluctuating between how desirable you are on the “popular-list”.

 The values are pretentious and sadly repeated from one profile description to another.

 We have to become sales people for ourselves. The more dates you go the more chances, supposedly, that you will meet the one who you will happily ever after….

 Women have to pretend that they are independent free spirits and they are actually do not want to have children and family. The very base of the dating that you would like to have a relationship is a forbidden world and as above mentioned the trust and honesty actually lost in the virtuality of the internet. 

 The only way though seems still that we keep trying to see and hoping if there is maybe one guy who actually sees through all the lies of the sales marketing who will actually understands that the truth is that we women still believe in fairy tales and would like to have home, children combined with career.

I wonder if the mind that we live with just simply not able to grasp the evidence that the not knowing can create and creates God or supernatural around us to have the source for the need to “believe”  (if we have such as the need for belief) or the notion to meaning… on the other hand, what if the perfection of the unknown gives the answer to some extent how life itself can make its sense… so that the answer lies behind something outside of our mindful world

what if the search for meaning that takes us to the need to believe/understand our lives…

debate is parallel with the randomness of the present that is not planned beforehand and has the freedom to allow things happen the way they want to that argues with predestination…is there such as luck? or it is just the lack of our control over the things that we live with….

the other question about the morality, why do we keep certain laws and what is the reason behind it…

I think I would love to ask a philosopher about it as well as all those who are religious or atheist or anyone who has anything to share/explore around this question…

and my behaviour is not the best

and the worst is that I am a nutcase most of the time these days and only those who can see below the surface see that I worth something….

because the worst is when the anger spills out of your guts in times when you get out of control.

currently I am angry at my situation and I know that most of it related to my shitty relationship with my father… whose personality was cold and whose physical abuse was not helpful (because that is the way he was brought up, we had it too)… it was not very very bad all the time but those times that remained in my brain as a memory are there.

I am struggling to communicate the way I suppose to communicate with people… I end up embarrassing myself and especially in front of man…

I am scared of people and my scorpio sign lashes out verbally onto outside with such a fierce when it is not controlled (and last time when I got drunk….)  I am never physical, I just basically eat myself alive with all the frustrations and sadness.

I read, I try not be involved with reality, just reading and hiding behind the books and disappearing into their content… I am playing with my mind….

I hope it I will pass, and those who know me somehow can bear with me until I collect my shattered scared me into one beautiful flower.

I was hoping that my little existence can be happy as it is and by avoiding the reality as hard as I can and with creation of my own world it would be easy to breathe…

the reality is ignorant with my needs and things are happening on their own course.

Obviously.

obviously no wonder that is the way it is happening… I mean, I throw tantrums at the inevitable things and how they turn out be.

I am surrounded with the things that other people seems like achieve with more ease and vice-versa I suppose for some people what I have is more desirable….

I am trying really hard to snap out of this order… and look at the bright side of the current situation and being happy to be half and feel whole whilst being only half….

so is there an other half?

on the other hand we suppose to be only that way, being alone and bear the solitude of the mind of our own…